| Texas lawmakers return to Austin next Thursday for the 88th Legislature, the biennial, 140-day show filled with melodrama, misdirection and meanness. Pearls will be clutched, cheers will be led, stands will be grand, and, of course, the well-being of children will be invoked. Molly Ivins summed up life under the pink-granite dome best: "As long as you don't think about what that peculiar body should be doing and what it actually is doing to the quality of life in Texas, then it's all marvelous fun." Until someone puts an eye out, I might add. Let's start with the melodrama. When it comes to legislative sessions, the one following a midterm election and preceding a presidential election produces the most explosive news, usually created by the governor's office. Like almost every Texas chief executive, Gov. Greg Abbott thinks overseeing the second-most populous state automatically makes him a presidential candidate. Fresh off a decisive reelection, he will feel emboldened to annoy moderates and infuriate liberals by pushing a bombastic agenda perfect for Fox News. Watch this spring as Abbott surprises allies with veto threats and demands for bills designed to make him seem more MAGA than thou. He'll certainly keep kicking around desperate immigrants at our southern border, which, while heartless, pleases conservatives. Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick and House Speaker Dade Phelan know the best way to pass a truly controversial law is to direct attention elsewhere. When Patrick cut per-student spending in public schools, he bragged about passing the largest school budget in Texas history. Yes, he spent more money in total, but our kids ended up with less. Lawmakers this year have a $27 billion revenue surplus, but state leaders can play a mean Three-Card Monte. Keep your eye on the ball, as these folks abuse statistics, mislead constituents and kick critical cans like public health spending down the road. (More on how to spend these greenbacks in my next column.) Lastly, I fear the people in power will scapegoat people simply trying to be true to who they are. Ahead of the election, conservatives blasted drag performers, banned LGBTQ books and denounced anyone trying to teach about this nation's bloody, racist heritage. Free-thinkers, liberty-lovers and truth-speakers beware, lawmakers will try to kick us in the teeth before they adjourn on May 29. | 
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