Convenience Big Store: There’s too much dirty money in Britain

12 October, 2021

In the headlines

The government's botched handling of the pandemic ranks "as one of the most important public health failures the UK has ever experienced", a cross-party report by MPs concludes. "There's an issue there of hindsight," Cabinet minister Stephen Barclay said on Radio 4's Today. Hindsight has "nothing to do" with your party's lockdown delay last winter, replied presenter Amol Rajan. "People are dead that should be alive." Sally Rooney has banned an Israeli publisher from translating her new novel into Hebrew to support a pro-Palestine boycott. It's "a weird way for a writer to make a statement", says The Times's Hugo Rifkind on Twitter. "Why not try writing?"

Comment of the day

A gold Ferrari on Sloane Street, London. Dan Kitwood/Getty Images

There's too much dirty money in Britain

Newcastle United's £305m sale to the Saudis has been "treated as an emblem of English football's moral descent", says Simon Kuper in the Financial Times. But why single out football when so much of our economy revolves around "welcoming dirty money"? Places such as Mayfair and Kensington are overflowing with well-heeled professionals who "make their living servicing rich criminals": fund managers, libel lawyers, estate agents, PR advisers, sellers of luxury goods, private-school headmasters, art dealers. And the rot goes right to the top. Last year David Cameron and his former business partner Lex Greensill were pictured trying to woo the Saudi Arabian crown prince, Mohammed bin Salman, in a desert tent. Then there's the £20bn in arms sold by Britain to Saudi Arabia since the Saudis began their war in Yemen in 2015. There's a reason why Italian mafia expert Roberto Saviano calls Britain "the most corrupt country in the world".

Sadly, this unseemly national habit is only going to get worse. Foreign investment has fallen off a cliff since 2016. British heritage, from country houses to football clubs, is about all that foreigners value here now. And that inevitably includes foreigners we'd rather not dirty our hands with. Comedian Mark Steel joked: "If Isis had been smart, instead of blowing stuff up, they'd have bought our football clubs. Then most people in the country would praise them as heroes and saviours." The depressing thing is, he's probably right.

Poland poses a mortal threat to Brussels

Poland's populists "really did it", says Markus Becker in Der Spiegel. Warsaw's highest court, stuffed with right-wing stooges, has ruled that EU law clashes with the country's constitution. That sets up a showdown. The EU depends on all members playing by the same rules, but Poland's PM, Mateusz Morawiecki, has given himself carte blanche to flout any he dislikes. Make no mistake, this is Poland's de facto application to leave. "The gauntlet has been laid down."

There are, however, two big differences to Brexit. The Poles "are much more EU-friendly than the British ever were". And whereas Brexiteers talked about how much Britain paid into Europe, Poland receives more money from Brussels than any other country. So here's what we should do: cancel "every cent" of the money they get. Start with the €36bn Poland is set to receive from the EU recovery fund, which corresponds to almost 7% of its GDP. Appeasers will say this punishes ordinary Poles, but they voted for Morawiecki's government. And failure to act firmly would be an invitation to others to imitate Poland. That would be the beginning of the end of the EU, and for the single market – a catastrophic prospect not just for Germany, but for the whole continent.

Inside politics

Donald Trump's recent weight loss is down to not having the White House kitchen on standby "24/7", former adviser Jason Miller tells GB News. The former president has reportedly lost 15lb since leaving the Oval Office, where he had an unlimited supply of M&Ms marked with the presidential seal and a red button on his desk for ordering Diet Coke.

Gone viral

Recipes for South Korean dalgona biscuits have gone viral on TikTok after the honeycomb treat appeared in the hit Netflix drama Squid Game. Made from sugar and bicarbonate of soda, they feature in a violent contest between debt-laden Koreans in episode three. #Dalgona has been viewed 1.2 billion times on TikTok.

Noted

After Brexit, English is the mother tongue of only 1.5% of EU citizens: the Irish and the Maltese. So why on earth is it still being used for intra-European talks, asks Michel Guérin in Le Monde. For too long we've bathed "in the amniotic warmth" of language's "soft imperialism" – when Ursula von der Leyen delivers more than 80% of her State of the Union address in English, "she is de facto addressing the Americans and the English". But as Aukus shows, the Anglo-Saxon world is abandoning the EU to strike off on its own. If Europe's "strategic autonomy" is to mean anything, it must start with our tongues (he means French).

Snapshot

Zeitgeist

A Victorian church in Bournemouth has changed its name from St Michael's to St Mike's to attract younger people. "What's next – St Dave's? St Pete's?" one source grumbled to The Sun.

Snapshot answer

It's Willy Wonka. Timothée Chalamet, 25, shared an on-set snap from a new film about the Roald Dahl character, to be released in March 2023. He's playing a young version of the chocolatier, before he opened his factory – cue the internet collapsing "in fits of lust-crazed despair", says Stuart Heritage in The Guardian. But Willy Wonka has always been a bit sexy. He's "a man who built a factory devoted to the pursuit of pleasure".